Odd-pocalyptic Training
by Operas'n'Cartoons1883
Summary: Stan was nailing up signs in the spooky part of the forest when it happened. As he heard Bill ramble about on how he had conquered Gravity Falls, Stan continued to do his work. After all, why should he worry about the apocalypse if Dipper, Mabel, and Ford were safe in the Mystery Shack? Warning: Grunkle4Grandpa ahoy! Don't subscribe to the theory? Don't read it.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Stan was nailing up signs in the spooky part of the forest when it happened. As he heard Bill ramble about on how he had conquered Gravity Falls, Stan continued to do his work. After all, why should he worry about the apocalypse if Dipper, Mabel, and Ford were safe in the Mystery Shack?

Just then, he felt Gompers chewing on his tassel. Stan was furious and yelled at the goat, "That's it, goat! It's time I threw you off this property for good!"

Suddenly, a weirdness wave hit Gompers, who grew to be at least as tall as a giant redwood! This startled Stan, who said, "On second thought, I'm gonna run like a coward now." And off he ran, away from the forest and into the Mystery Shack. As he gasped for air, he thought, "Well, at least I'm safe at home with my family."

But as if a 200-foot-tall goat wasn't weird enough, Stan jumped at the sight of a manotaur, a unicorn, and three gnomes in the living room.

"Oh, hello," said the manotaur. "I'm Chutzpar!"

"I am Celestabellebethabelle," said the unicorn.

"I am Steve," said one of the gnomes. "And these are my friends, Brian and Mike."

"Great! More Gravity Falls weirdness!" growled Stan, who was clearly exasperated. Then he yelled at the manotaur, unicorn, and gnomes, "Look, I'm not in here to play Spin the Bottle with any of you! I'm only in here to look after my family!" And with that, he stormed up the stairs to Dipper and Mabel's bedroom to tell them the situation.

"Dipper, Mabel, we've got a serious situation with supernatural cre-" Stan started to say, before he was met with a sight he hoped he would never see: it was the apocalypse, and neither Dipper nor Mabel was in their bedroom.

Down in the living room, Chutzpar was watching wrestling on TV with the gnomes, when he started smelling something from upstairs. So he left the gnomes to watch TV as he went upstairs and, seeing Stan moping, sniffed at the old man. "I smell," he thought, "emotional issues!"

"I have problems, Chutzpar," Stan moaned. "Family-related problems." After Chutzpar sat down, Stan continued, "I was nailing up signs in the spooky part of the forest when it happened. Only when Gompers became a giant did I run back to the Shack, thinking that Ford, Dipper, and Mabel were here. Spoiler alert: they're not." After a brief pause, Stan looked at Chutzpar and asked, "Hey, you've seen Dipper and Mabel, haven't you?"

Chutzpar shook his head. "Nope," he stated. "I've never seen Ford or Mabel. Sure, I've eaten a Ford _truck_ before, but the last time I saw Dipper, he wouldn't fight the Multi-Bear."

Stan knew that Dipper's recount of the manotaurs was over a couple months ago. He then bowed his head and sighed, "Now I have every good reason to worry about the apocalypse. I don't know where my twins might be."

"And what makes Dipper and Mabel so special?" asked Chutzpar. "Is Dipper sure that you're his uncle and not his father? You look very similar to Dipper from the future."

Chutzpar looked very suspicious, when Stan replied, "Actually, I'm not really Dipper and Mabel's uncle. My real name is Stanley Pines. Their real uncle is my twin brother Stanford, and I don't know where he is! If I can't find them, they both could be dead, and that would be sad. But if I _can_ find them, I will help them fight that triangle monster, and that would be awesome!"

"Fight?" Chutzpar asked, clearly enthusiastic to fight! "I'm in!"

"Me, too!" said Celestabellebethabelle.

"And us as well!" cried the gnomes.

"Very well! A fight it is!" Stan declared. "There's an apocalypse underway, and my entire family is in danger, so until we stop the triangle demon, let us speak in military terms! I'll be sergeant, Chutzpar will be corporal, the gnomes will be privates, and Celesta… whatever her name is, will be my war horse. Got that?"

"Yes, sergeant!" shouted the others in unison.

And so Stanley, Chutzpar, Celestabellebethabelle, and the gnomes got themselves ready to find Dipper and Mabel and defeat Bill!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Later, Stan got himself ready to find his family and defeat Bill. He was wearing a maroon sash that read "Chief," indicating that Chutzpar and the others had accepted them as their leader.

"All right, gentlemen, and lady," Stan ordered to the creatures. "C-Beth and I will be searching for Dipper and Mabel. Chutzpar and the gnomes will stay in the Shack where it's safe. Got it?"

"Yes, sir!" shouted the others in agreement. And off Stan went, with the unicorn as his steed.

As he rode C-Beth, Stan noticed that the town was in disarray, and citizens were being turned to stone right and left. At this, he thought, "If I don't find Mabel and Dipper, they might be turned into stone statues like Lazy Susan over there. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind risking my life to save my family. Heck, I ended up bargaining the universe to bring back Ford."

Just then, C-Beth spotted two girls seated by a campfire. They were Candy Chiu and Grenda, both of whom looked understandably distressed. 'Hark!" said the unicorn. "We should see what's up with these girls."

"Even though you scammed them into beatin' the livin' daylights out of you?" asked Stan, who was obviously not amused at C-Beth's earlier dishonesty with Mabel.

This annoyed C-Beth, who snapped, "Don't remind me!"

The two then approached Candy and Grenda, who were roasting dead rats over the fire. Candy looked pretty worried, with bags under her eyes and a slouched posture. Meanwhile, Grenda just stared into space, shell-shocked. This made Stan pretty concerned for the girls, and he stepped off his steed and talked to them. "Candy, Grenda," he said to them. "Have you seen Mabel and Dipper?"

Candy and Grenda looked up, and the former replied to Stan's question, "No, the last time we saw Mabel, we were discussing our futures."

"And we last saw Dipper on our road trip!" Grenda added.

This troubled Stan. He thought that Candy and Grenda, Mabel's closest friends, would know where she and Dipper were. As he slumped his shoulders, Candy suggested, "But hey, maybe we could help you look for them."

This perked Stan up a little, and he said to them, "Well then, just sit on my horse, grab onto my back, and off we go!"

So Stan mounted C-Beth, with Grenda grabbing onto his back and Candy grabbing onto Grenda's back. And as Stan got C-Beth to race, off they rode to find Dipper and Mabel.

After half an hour, C-Beth declared, "Behold! My horn detects a lonely girl dressed in rags at the end of this dark alley!"

As Stan and the others rode closer, they could see that the girl in the alley was Pacifica Northwest.

"Ugh, this girl!" Stan groaned. "I remember when she pelted me with tomatoes while I was in the stocks!"

But as they came closer, Stan saw that Pacifica was not smirking, but moping. This made Stan, Candy, and Grenda feel a little sad.

"Maybe you should go talk to her," said Candy to Stan. "She might know where Dipper and Mabel are."

So Stan thought about this a little, then, reluctantly, he dismounted C-Beth and approached Pacifica so as to talk to her.

"Hello, Pacifica," Stan groaned in a sarcastic manner. "You probably haven't seen Dipper and Mabel, have you?"

But Pacifica did not show any signs of her usual snootiness. Instead, she looks very sad, and not very confident, and she turned her head away from Stan.

Stan was astonished and said, "Ah, come on! Don't give me that look! I just wanna know if you've seen my family!"

After a long silence, Pacifica finally responded, "The last time I saw Dipper and Mabel was at the Northwest Fest, that time when I let in the common folk of the town, thus fulfilling the promise that had been broken by my no-good, dirty, rotten, waste-shoveling great-great-grandfather!"

As Stan gazed at Pacifica for a long time, his resentment gradually faded to sympathy. He studied her impoverished state, that her dress had been reduced to rags, that her hair was slightly disheveled. The next thing Stan said to her was, "You all right, kiddo?"

After a brief pause, Pacifica replied, "You want to know why I'm all alone in a dark alley? My father got his orifices switched and died from shock, while my mother got turned to stone. And then there's me. I never had a real childhood because my parents pressured me into being exactly like them: mean-spirited, elitist, and just plain stupid! I'm actually glad that Dipper reminded me that even though I'm their daughter, I can be my own person!"

Stan then placed his hand onto her shoulder and said, "Ya know, I know what it's like to be mistreated by family. My old man disowned me when I was in high school due to a little mistake I made involving my brother. But in all seriousness, you should come to the Mystery Shack where it's safe."

And with that, he placed Pacifica onto C-Beth, and they rode off to the Mystery Shack.

Once Stan, Candy, Grenda, and Pacifica were at the Shack, they could hear some "Disco Girl" playing in the living room. And when Stan opened the door, he saw the Multi-Bear and Old Man McGucket dancing to "Disco Girl," while poor Chutzpar covered his ears and groaned, "I can't get that terrible song out of my head!"

But something was different about the Multi-Bear: several of his heads were injured, and the main head was wearing a patch over his left eye. Then and there, Stan knew that the Multi-Bear had suffered a lot before entering the Shack.

"What happened?" Stan asked the other two.

The Multi-Bear answered, "A rock from one of Bill's minions got into my eye. I can't see out of it anymore."

And McGucket chimed in, "I thought I was the only man alive, but I ran out of food so I went up to get some more, when I notices some gnomes a-scamperin' to your Shack, an' now here we are dancin' to 'Disco Girl'!"

But Stan, worried about Dipper and Mabel, asked them both, "But have you seen Dipper and Mabel?!"

"No," the Multi-Bear replied sadly. "I haven't seen your… grandchildren, was it? The last time I saw Dipper was when we sang 'Disco Girl' together. And I've never seen Mabel before."

"And the last time I saw Dipper and Mabel was in Northwest Manor!" cried McGucket. "I tried to warn 'em about the apocalypse! Who knew my paranoia was correct?"

Stan then pressed his finger and thumb between his eyes as he always did whenever he got frustrated. "I just want 'em to be safe," he groaned. "But silly me! No one I found has seen 'em! Maybe I'll have better luck tomorrow." And with that, he went upstairs to try to get some sleep.

But he thought, "Wait, I can't sleep and therefore shirk responsibility. I gotta continue finding 'em."

And so, Stan went back downstairs, and announced to the others: "I, Sergeant Stan Pines…"

Presently, Pacifica interrupted, "Wait, sergeant? You're no sergeant. You're more of a captain!"

Stan was really hesitant and said, "No, I'm not worthy of being captain."

But everyone agreed with Pacifica that Stan should be captain. Finally, Stan gave in and announced: "I, _Captain_ Stan Pines, am pleased to announce that some of you have promotions! Chutzpar the Manotaur will be lieutenant, as will be the case with Fiddleford McGucket! The Multi-Bear will be sergeant, Candy, Grenda, and Pacifica will all be corporals, and the gnomes will remain privates! You all may sleep tonight, but _I_ will _not_ sleep until I find those poor kids, Dipper and Mabel Pines!"

And so, Stan mounted upon C-Beth and rode off to find Dipper and Mabel, who he claimed were his great-nephew and great-niece.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

All through the night, Stan became even more worried. As more and more people got turned to stone, he wondered if Mabel and Dipper met that same fate. But he was making slow progress, since C-Beth kept nodding off and sleeping while standing up, just like any other horse. Stan felt humiliated. How dare a mare like her sleep at a time like this when his "niece and nephew" were in danger!

Presently, Stan heard some quiet sobs. He promptly woke C-Beth up and raced her toward the noise. After approaching the sobs, they found that they belonged to none other than Sheriff Daryl Blubs, who was sitting by a campfire with his face buried in his hands.

After a while, Blubs looked up at the con man on the white unicorn, and he uttered, "Mr. Pines! Thank goodness you've come! I've been told all about you and…" Then the sheriff burst into tears again, which caused Stan to feel a compassion that he had never felt for the sheriff before.

"What's wrong?" asked Stan quietly.

After another moment of sobbing, the sheriff finally replied, "My deputy Edwin Durland was petrified yesterday, and I don't know what to do!"

Stan said to Blubs, "Hey, if it makes ya feel any better, I can't find Dipper and Mabel anywhere. Have you seen them?"

"No," Blubs answered. "Last time I saw them, you saved them from Bud Gleeful."

"Oh! That was over two weeks ago!" cried Stan. "Sheriff, why don't you join me and C-Beth on our quest for the twins?"

But the two men saw that the unicorn was still sleeping and she refused to wake up. So Stan told Blubs, "Tell you what, we'll rest here for the night, but tomorrow, at the crack of dawn, we continue our search for my family so I can bring them over to the Shack for safe-keeping."

After a moment's brief hesitation, Blubs smiled and said, "Sounds like a good plan to me." And Stanley and Blubs fell asleep next to C-Beth.

In spite of his grief over Durland, Blubs slept like a baby. But Stan could not sleep a wink _because_ of his worry over Dipper and Mabel. He hadn't been able to find them for two days, and he felt that if they were dead, he could never live with himself. In spite of all this, however, he did not cry, for he was still clinging onto the faint, glimmering ray of hope that Dipper and Mabel were indeed alive and searching for him. And with that in his mind, he fell fast asleep.

At the crack of dawn the next day, Stan, Blubs, and C-Beth woke up. Immediately, the two men jumped onto the unicorn and raced across the town, dodging demons and searching for the twins. But everywhere they looked they saw more people being turned to stone, including Tate McGucket. This got Stan even more worried, for he knew that Tate was Fiddleford's son! "If I cannot find them all day this day," he thought. "They might as well be dead." But he and the others kept searching.

Eventually, Stan, Blubs, and C-Beth bumped into two men. It was the Woodpecker Guy and Bats Biker. By that point, Stan was desperate, and he got down to his knees and asked the two men, "Do either of you know where my kids Dipper and Mabel are?!"

Woodpecker Guy replied, "Alas, no. Last time I saw them was at Pioneer Day, genius! And if they happened to pass by me, I didn't notice because my wife has been turned to stone right on my shoulder!"

And Bats Biker sobbed, "The last time I saw the two was at Summerween, doing their little twin dance!"

With that, Stan bowed his head and said, "Well, you two can join us in our resistance against Bill. We will start by searching for Dipper and Mabel for the rest of the day. If we can't find 'em today, it'll be a miracle if they come to my Shack alive."

And so, Woodpecker Guy and Bats Biker climbed onto C-Beth's back, and off they went, searching for Dipper and Mabel.

By the end of the day, Stan saw something and cried out, "Hey, fellas! I think I have found Dipper and Mabel! See his hat and her head shape?"

And the other men rejoiced as Stan raced C-Beth toward what looked like Dipper and Mabel. Unfortunately, as they got close to the shapes, they saw that Mabel's head shape was merely a pile of rocks, while Dipper's hat was perched onto a bush.

Stan was distraught. And as the sun set, he cried out, "Dipper! Mabel! Stanford! Where are you?!"

He had lost them. Now he was sure that Dipper, Mabel, and Ford had all been killed by Bill and his cronies. So he took Dipper's hat off the bush, climbed back onto C-Beth, and rode sadly home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

That night, back at the Mystery Shack, all of the other survivors were eagerly waiting for Stan and C-Beth to return with Dipper and Mabel.

"This is gonna be awesome!" shouted Grenda.

"And we'll get to see our friends again," Candy added.

Meanwhile, McGucket was so excited he danced a happy jig, while Pacifica tried in vain to keep her emotions in check.

Pretty soon, they saw the silhouettes of Stan, C-Beth, and three other figures. Candy, Grenda, Pacifica, McGucket, and the gnomes were all sure that the three others with Stan and the unicorn were Dipper Mabel, and Ford, but Chutzpar and the Multi-Bear did not think it so.

"One of them looks too manly to be Dipper or Mabel, and only one of them is short," Chutzpar explained.

Unfortunately, Chutzpar and the Multi-Bear were right, for with Stan were neither Dipper nor Mabel nor Ford, but instead, Stan has rescued Sheriff Blubs, the Woodpecker Guy, and the Bats Biker. To say that everyone else present was disappointed would be an understatement.

After a long silence, Pacifica asked Stan, "W-w-what happened to Dipper and Mabel?"

Stan replied sadly, "We couldn't find them. Those poor kids could be dead by now. That's all I have to say."

Before anyone else could say anything, Stan trudged upstairs to his bedroom.

As Bats Biker thought of the last time he saw Dipper and Mabel, he burst into tears, sobbing onto the stone shoulder of the Woodpecker Guy, who tried to comfort him by placing his hand on him.

There was another long silence from the others. Afterwards, Sheriff Blubs suggested, "Well, it's been a long day. Let's go to bed."

And so, the survivors went to their sleeping places. Candy, Grenda, and Pacifica slept in the attic, while McGucket slept in Soos' former break room, at least for that night. Chutzpar, the Multi-Bear, and C-Beth all shared Ford's room, Sheriff Blubs, Bats Biker, and Woodpecker Guy used sleeping bags on the floor of the museum, and the gnomes slept in an abandoned bird's nest in the rafters. Stan himself slept where he normally would: in his own room.

But that night, as Pacifica went downstairs to get herself some water, she heard some quiet sobs. As she heard the sad sound, she noticed that it was coming from Stan's room. When she opened the door, she saw that Stan was indeed crying.

Pacifica began to feel sorry for Stan, and she asked, "Mr. Pines, what's the matter?"

When Stan heard that, he raised his head, tried to brush the tears from his face, and said to Pacifica, "Nothing's wrong with me! I wasn't crying! Just leave me alone and mind your own business!"

But Pacifica could plainly tell that something was wrong with him. Could it be Dipper and Mabel's absence? Could it be something from his past? So instead of just leaving him, Pacifica only came closer to him, placing his burly arm onto her tiny body. "It's all right," said Pacifica calmly and compassionately. "You can tell me."

After a little while, Stan said to Pacifica, "Do you promise not to tell?"

Pacifica replied, "I promise. Cross my heart."

Then Stan, feeling defeated, said as calmly as he could, "As you probably know, I am upset because I failed to find Dipper, Mabel, and Ford. As you probably _don't_ know, Ford is my long-lost twin brother. His name is Stanford Pines, and he is Dipper and Mabel's great-uncle."

Pacifica was dumbfounded, and she gasped, "I-I thought _you_ were their Great-Uncle Stanford!"

Stan replied, "No. My name is _Stanley_ Pines, and as if that wasn't enough, I should have told them a long time ago, but I am really Dipper and Mabel's grandfather."

Now Pacifica was even more speechless! "My…my parents thought Stanley was dead for thirty years! How is this possible!?"

And so Stanley explained everything, "My brother and I were born on February 9, 1951. Apparently, my old man was unprepared for twins so he named us both Stan. I was Stanley, and my brother Stanford. Ford and I had lots of fun as kids. Then one summer, our pop signed us up for boxing lessons. Ford didn't really pay as much attention to physical activity as he did his intellectual studies, but I went on to become strong! In fact, in my high school years, while I was standing in line for the theatre, I saved a high-school girl named Carla McCorkle from a purse thief!

"Sadly, in 1969, all my good times were to come to an end, for my brother was about to go to college, and because I didn't want him to leave, my dad kicked me out. I had to live with Carla McCorkle's family, including her ultra-conservative dad, the same principal who called me a clown for doin' so poorly in school. Not long afterwards, Carla had my child, Dipper and Mabel's dad. Principal McCorkle was so furious he showed us both the door! And so, with no household, and havin' to raise a kid, I had to make money in some sort of way. At first, I tried beachcombin', but it didn't work out very well. I tried bein' a salesperson, but the shammies didn't work as expected.

"At first, Carla continued to sympathize with me, but eventually, in 1972, some tree-hugger named Thistle Downe took her away from me, and I had to send my poor boy to child services, so now he knows nothing of his family history, just that he's a Pines. Not long afterwards, I realized that Thistle Downe was a fraud, so I went to his van, and, seeing that he had Carla with him, I fought him fiercely! Tragically, my plans to save Carla McCorkle backfired, as I ended up driving the van off the ravine. Such a fall ended up killing Carla McCorkle at the age of 21. As 'the bad guy,' I was officially banned from New Jersey.

"I spent the next ten years traveling the whole country, sometimes outside of it, always one step ahead of the law, lookin' for something that would be my big break. But, in 1982, Stanford called me to Gravity Falls, Oregon. He finally wanted to see me after thirteen years, but it was for me to get as far away as possible, and why? To bury some journal of his! We ended up having a fight that resulted in a scar right on my back, part of which you can see plainly. I ended up losing Ford for thirty years, and because everyone took me for Ford, I took his identity and formed the Murder Hut, later renamed the Mystery Shack.

"But I had to fake my own death to make the Stanford Pines identity complete. For the dummy, I ended up using Rico, who I killed in self-defense after he again tried to threaten me into payin' his goons back, and for the rest, I burned the wreckage of Ford's car, which I discovered in a nearby forest. So, for the next thirty years, I was Stanford Pines, Mr. Mystery, and my boy's eccentric uncle. In 1999, I even got to see the births of my grandkids, Mabel and Dipper. The first thing Mabel did in her life was punching the doctor right in the jaw, and I knew that she was the twin who took after me the most. Meanwhile, Dipper almost died at birth due to the umbilical cord bein' wrapped around his neck, just like his old man back in 1970. If it weren't for my safety procedures on him, poor Mabel could have been an only child. I fell so much in love with my twin grandbabies that I just couldn't let them go!"

Again, Stan broke down in tears as he cried, "But now that they have died a few days shy of their 13th birthday, they never knew that I was their grandfather! Poor kids! They died thinking that Shermie was their grandfather! Shermie, my kid brother who was born no earlier than 1969, cannot possibly be their grandfather because I am!"

Pacifica's mouth hung open for a minute or two as Stan covered his face with his hands and wept. Then she said, "I'm so sorry for you, Mr. Pines. Do you mind if I stay in your room, you know, just for the night?"

Stan lifted his face from his hands. He had never seen Pacifica be so kind to him. Maybe it was because her father and grandfather before her were both total jerks to him. Eventually, his face softened as he said, "No, I don't mind at all."

And so, Pacifica fell asleep on Stan's large belly, as he too fell asleep, taking off his dentures and placing them into his glass full of water as he did so.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next morning, Stan woke up to find, not Pacifica, but McGucket sleeping on his belly. Stan was dumbfounded, so he put on his glasses to clarify that is _was_ McGucket. Stan then put on his dentures and said to McGucket, "Where did _you_ come from?!"

McGucket replied, "Some other people took over the break room, so I took Pacifica back to the attic."

"Wait, what?" asked Stan. "Some other people?"

Without putting on his fez, he rushed to the old break room to find Pituitaur, Rumble McSkirmish, and Leggy P. sleeping by it. Stan ended up waking them up by shouting, "Where did you three come from?"

As soon as the three had woken up, Leggy P. replied, "We came here because all my brothers got turned to stone. I was looking for shelter!"

Pituitaur added, "All my friends were captured as well."

Rumble McSkirmish chimed in, " **BILL WAS GETTING TOO POWERFUL!** "

Poor Stan, who was certain that his grandchildren were dead, did not even bother asking about their whereabouts, and instead took the three to the living room.

In the living room, Stan addressed all of the people and creatures in the Shack, "Ladies and gentlemen! I'm Captain Stan Pines and…"

" **CAPTAIN!?** " cried Rumble incredulously. " **YOU'RE MORE LIKE A COLONEL!** "

Chutzpar corrected Rumble, "No, a _general_!"

Everyone else agreed with the Manotaur, and at last, Stan gave in and continued his address: "I, _General_ Stan Pines, address you as such! Dipper and Mabel may be dead, but we are not gonna let this setback defeat us! Bill wants us to feel defeated, but if we do nothing about this, the whole world, and our very lives, will be destroyed for sure! Let us do all we can to cancel the Weirdpocalypse!"

Everyone cheered him on, and as soon as the crowd settled, Stan addressed each member and called out their ranks: "Daryl Blubs, you're Major General and second-in-command! Fiddleford McGucket, you're Brigadier General and gadgeteer genius! Chutzpar, you're Colonel as well as my therapist! Pituitaur, you're Lieutenant Colonel! Bats Biker, you're Major! Multi-Bear, you're Captain! Woodpecker Guy and Rumble McSkirmish, you're both Lieutenants! Grenda, you're Sergeant! Candy Chiu and Pacifica Northwest, you're both Corporals! Leggy P. and all those gnomes, you're all Privates! And C-Beth, you're still my war horse! You will keep these ranks until we've defeated Bill!"

Later in the day, Stan trained each and every one of his men and women to fight and defeat Bill Cipher. He mostly taught them punching, just as he had been taught when he was a boy. And he used himself as a punching bag. Candy and Pacifica delivered good punches, as did the gnomes, but Grenda, Rumble, Bats, Pituitaur, and especially Chutzpar, delivered great punches, to the point where Stan ended up punch-drunk for a brief moment.

As soon as Stan had prepped everyone up the next day, he again addressed them: "Ladies and gentlemen, you have done well. As soon as Bill sees the likes of us, he'll be wettin' himself!"

And everyone again cheered, until they heard some noises coming from outside.

"Wait, what was that?" asked Bats Biker.

Stan shushed him and whispered, "Everyone, ready yourselves."

And as Stan picked up his baseball bat, all the men and girls got themselves ready for beating whoever was outside to a pulp!

"As soon as they open the door, we'll fight back," Stan said to the others.

And as the door opened, Stan and his followers got themselves ready to fight whatever horror was coming indoors, which turned out to be Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos, all alive and well!

Dipper, Mabel, and Stan were all incredulous.

"Stan?" asked the twins.

"Kids?" gasped their grandfather.

Suddenly, they heard a flushing sound, and out of the bathroom came the Multi-Bear, who was holding and empty toilet paper roll as he announced, "Just so everyone knows, we're out of toilet paper." He then looked around and asked, "Did I miss something?"

After a long pause, Stan dropped his bat and hugged Mabel and Dipper, crying tears of joy as he did so.

"Grunkle Stan, are you crying?" asked Dipper.

"No," the old man sobbed. "I've just got some dust from the Shack in my eyes! But seriously, I missed you both so much, and I thought you were dead!"

After Stan's sobs abated, he raised Dipper and Mabel up to the shoulders of the Multi-Bear, whereon Dipper gave everyone a rousing speech: "Bill wants us to be afraid. He wants us to hide. Those are our friends, and if we don't do something, it'll be our entire universe! So I say we band together and take the fight to him! We are cancelling the Weirdpocalypse!"

All around him cheered, for they all were ready to defeat Bill Cipher and end the Weirdpocalypse!

 **The End?**


End file.
